December 2010
2 tags
Dec 31st
15 notes
3 tags
Going to visit my dad today*
mom: So what do you and your dad do for fun when you're there?
me: We eat and play Playstation Monopoly, and I make jokes about him (farting) which are his favorite kind of jokes. He's a simple kind of man.
mom: Okay, but what do you do for fun there?
me: Well, I like the board games, but also he buys me things.
mom: You're a simple kind of girl.
Dec 29th
5 notes
1 tag
Dec 29th
11 notes
Dec 29th
262 notes
Dec 29th
2 tags
Dec 29th
2 tags
WatchWatch
Oh hey my voice and face doing things re: facebook. Sorry, wine.
Dec 29th
20 notes
1 tag
Dec 29th
17 notes
unicornfandancing asked: i just followed and unfollowed you like six times. sorry. my fingers are cold. i miss your face
Dec 28th
unicornfandancing asked: i just followed and unfollowed you like six times. sorry. my fingers are cold. i miss your face
Dec 28th
3 tags
Dec 27th
5 notes
4 tags
Dec 24th
19 notes
2 tags
Dec 21st
1 tag
Dec 19th
14 notes
1 tag
I just tried to text a pic of my fresh new Ms. Pac Man nail game to Drex, but somehow also managed to send it to my brother and my best friend from home? The part that really stings about this otherwise harmless mishap is how both of these unintended recipients responded with a variation of “[My significant other who I’m hanging out with on a Saturday night like a regular person]...
Dec 19th
2 tags
Dec 17th
17 notes
1 tag
Dec 17th
2 tags
Dec 17th
7 notes
2 tags
Dec 16th
My life is really taking off
Today I was browsing the skirt selection at Goodwill, mid-afternoon, when I noticed a middle-aged black man standing maybe 7 feet away, looking at the women’s shoes rack behind me. Maybe he’s shopping for his wife, I think. “Excuse me? Excuse me?” Oh maybe he’s lost. “Yes?” “Do you think you could try on a pair of shoes for me?” me: What?...
Dec 16th
19 notes
Dec 14th
15 notes
2 tags
WatchWatch
Just vocalizing some homegirl’s cry for help via facebook info because even though we’ve -done this- I still really like doing this. Also, the prof pic for reference.
Dec 13th
2 tags
Dec 12th
14 notes
2 tags
How to date
“I’m going to use the money I saved not buying my own drinks last night on a breakfast burrito. Yes. Oh yes.” The money I saved. People as Kroger plus cards.
Dec 10th
2 tags
Dec 8th
10 notes
2 tags
Dec 8th
Dear Apple, cc: paulhphillips
Hi, I’m not sure why your laptops don’t come with built in coasters? I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of empty space on either side of the track pad. Also I’ve noticed that I just spilled a little wine/champagne mix on my sleeve which wouldn’t have happened had my computer had a firmer grasp on my drink. J/W J/W.
Dec 4th
15 notes
2 tags
Dec 4th
21 notes
1 tag
I jst spilled beer all over my recently cleaned bathroom :(
Dec 3rd
5 notes
2 tags
Dec 3rd
12 notes
2 tags
Dec 2nd
8 notes
Dec 2nd
1 tag
“In heaven, everyone is eating nachos and kissing each other. St John the Baptist...”
– Coolton Burpo
Dec 2nd
2 tags
catching up
Me: Family Feud? That reminds me. There was this clip I saw from Family Feud the other day where the category was like "Things you don't want to see when you're robbing a house..."
Friend: And the guy answered "nekkid gramma"? Yeah, someone just told me about this. I think it was my mom because she's just been watching a lot of tv recently [since she broke her foot and has been on bed-rest in the family room].
Me: Oh. Yeah, we probably have a lot of the same stories then. Hmm.
Me: What about "Self Potato"? Did you hear about that? It's a classic. I bet your mom was working when Self Potato happened.
Dec 2nd
3 tags
Dec 2nd
19 notes
1 tag
Dec 2nd
3 tags
Dec 2nd
2 tags
Dec 2nd
137 notes
2 tags
recent conversations
grocery cashier: Wait. Do you have the bridge of your nose pierced? me: Nope. It’s just how the nose piece of my glasses looks. [Adjusts glasses to drive the cool point home, they fall crooked down my nose.] Also this beer here is mine [I need it to cry into later]. Rude boy: I like your belt. Me: Oh, thanks. It’s, well, I had to buy this kind because I’m allergic to the nickel...
Dec 2nd
12 notes